Why I hate my job: Copps

Okay, I started working at Copps Food Center July 7th 2007. Ever since then I have put in a minimum of 15 hours a week during school and 30 hours during summers and breaks. Now for those who aren’t good at math, just know that that is A SHIT TON of hours. That’s hours spent either cashiering or bagging or just random maintenance at a grocery store. For those of you who know me, I HATE this job. I’m going onto 4.5 years at this job, and I must say, it’s finally killing me. I can’t take much more. This INSANELY long post, will be my thoughts on my job. It is a list I have compiled on what:

Gets on my nerves
Annoys me
Makes me treat you with less civility
Clenches my teeth
Makes me think deadly thoughts against you
Makes me feel like dropping the paper grocery bag and SCREAM in your face!!!!!!

So in a nutshell: a list of things costumers do that I hate. (in no particular order)
As you read this, ask yourself, are you an asshole of a costumer? (and there’s no way you can’t be, because I’ll hate people for just about ANYTHING while I am at my job).

1. Asking the bagger, (MOST of the time me, because Copps is too cheap to actually have a designated bagger per register, so I most always both cashier the order AND bag it), to double bag the items. Double plastic IS NOT needed. When I was hired they showed me this video telling us that double bags weren’t needed and proved this to me by putting four single litters of soda in one plastic bag and swung it around. O_O So, I repeat, DOUBLE PLASTIC ISN’T NEEDED!!! If you think the bag will rip, why wouldn’t it rip through TWO bags if it’ll rip through one??? AND double paper is just ridicules. I mean the baggers already have FUGGED up scratched up arms and hands bagging paper for you, why must you insist that a VERY sturdy bag needs to be doubled!!?!?? I think they do it because they’re dicks and they’re expanding the result of ONE bad bag experience to ALL baggers. These FUGGERS are killing the world!!!

Okay, the dreaded PINPAD!! The pinpad that people with credit/debit/gift card/ or EBT pay with only goes to show how incredibly STUPID we as humans are!! I’ll have about a list of a minimum of ten reasons why I hate customers when they use the pinpad:

2. They use their fingers instead of the designated pen.

3. They use their fingers instead of the designated pen after I TOLD them to use the pen.

4. They use their fingers instead of the designated pen after I TOLD them to use the pen, when they are retyping their pin number because it was hit incorrectly the first time around.

5. They use a REAL pen on the pinpad.

6. They complain about the non-responsive pinpad as they jab at it with their fingers, even after I told them to use the designated pen.

7. They accidentally hit cash back with their finger instead of no cash back like they wanted. I HAVE to give them their cash. There’s no way to undo cash back. It’s THEIR fault they hit that button.

8. They accidentally hit cash back with their finger instead of no cash back like they wanted, and complain about it, insisting THEY hit no cash back. The simple fact is: YOU HIT CASH BACK! We can say it was a machine error here or a human error … and judging by the fact that you used your fingers instead of the pen I’ll bet it was the human!!!

9. For credit you have to sign your name (usually I can actually get people to use the pen at this point). And after your done signing there’s two options: Clear or Okay. NEARLY 50% hit clear!!!! O_O WTH? Then they just sit there saying why is this taking so long. -_- Dumbasses!!!!

10. When any sort of plastic credit/debit card is slid through it always asks for a pin number, but for some random reason everyone likes to run their debit cards as credit so EVERYONE asks me “clear or cancel for credit.” OR they’ll say, “I told you this was a credit order NOT a debit. Why is it asking for my pin?” Just ask yourself, does the meaning of clear just confuse EVERYONE? I mean why would pressing clear CLEAR the page instead of just clearing the pin number? GAWD!

11. When I bag items or go to get something or haven’t scanned or typed anything into the register, my register goes into “terminal secure” mode. Basically, no can get on my register without MY password OR it stops timing my items per minute. I put my register into terminal secure mode ALL the time. (that’s how we are able to get such high IPMs). Dumbass customers tell me ALL the time, “the pinpad says ‘this lane closed?’” -_- yeah? so? You’re obviously in the middle of checking out. So my lane is OBVIOUSLY NOT closed. And what? You think you know more about my register than ME? What do YOU get for telling me this? Just a cashier who will bag your groceries a lot ruder than before. Hope your eggs all crack open!! (evil chuckle).

12. For self-checkout, after you slide your card and get all done on the pinpad it says please “wait for cashier.” At the exact same time on the self-checkout screen an annoying girl’s voice is saying, “Please select your payment type.” And listed are all the options to pay with. NEARLY, every self-checkout person will just stand there getting all huffy they have to wait. Well, fuggers, YOU ARE THE CASHIER!! You’re waiting for yourself!!!! PLEASE SELECT YOUR PAYMENT TYPE!!!

13. Sometime for SUPER big orders (we’re talking two carts of groceries). I’ll turn my register off in the middle of the order to help the bagger. While I do this the pinpad gets reset. So for all those customers who slide your damn card right away, too bad. You should’ve waited, now you’ll have to reslide your card. And FUG your complaints!!

14. Sometimes the order’s short and while I’m cashiering the customer just stands there staring at the pinpad waiting to slide their card. Well, god, go ahead and slide it!!! Why the hell are you waiting for me to finish scanning. FUG!! Shit like that ALWAYS slows me down cause customers are idiots and the pinpad takes forever to get through. (It’s remarkable how many times the card has to be RESLID).

15. For EBT (food stamp) orders, I have to type in something different. Why the fug can’t these customers TELL me, the cashier, they’re paying with EBT? After they slid it and I assume it’s a credit card, they always have to reslide and they always complain. WTF? All that can be easily avoided!! >_<

16. When they can’t seem to slide the gift cards themselves. (I almost ALWAYS have to slide they gift card for them because even after I say, you can go ahead and slide that on the pinpad they still hand it to me, as if I have a secret way of sliding them).

17. When they ask, “What do I hit?” Well, idk? Here’s a little hint: Try hitting gift card. Afterall didn’t we just slide a damn gift card through the machine.

18. Instead of scanning their roundy’s card there’s an option to type in their phone number on the pinpad. (You should already be able to see where this is going….) They nearly NEVER type it in correctly. In the middle of the order I’ll be scanning along then BANG! Right on the screen there’s a message preventing me from scanning because some asshole can’t use a pen on a pinpad. Then they say, “oh, oops. Here lemme retype it.” NO! you only get one shot. Now I have to type it in. Because you fugged up.

That last number kinda leads us into my next complaint: The Roundy’s Card.

19. When the customer mumbles the phone number at me to type in. Speak clearly dipshit.

20. When they say their phone number REALLY fast.

21. When they say their phone number REALLY fast, and I ask them to repeat that last part and they get all annoyed at ME for not hearing it the first time.

22. When they say their phone number REALLY slow. I’m not a moron. I can handle three numbers at a time, then four numbers.

23. When they fumble with their keys to find the damn card on it. (The best thing they can do is just leave it on the register with the food.)

24. When they just hand a huge ass jumble of key mess at me during the middle of my scanning, expecting ME to find their damn card in this mess of keychains. (clean up your damn key chain mess. Do you really have to carry all those chains with you everywhere?)

25. When the customer complains about how terrible BP gas is. HEY! It’s NOT me who choose to do this promotion. It’s NOT me who makes you shop here. FUG OFF.

26. When they complain about how little the discount on gas is. Just be thankful your getting ANY sort of discount, bitch!

27. If they hold onto their coupons or wallet or cart when they unload the cart. It’s STUPID. Just hand your coupons to me and then WHOA! Look! You can use TWO hands to unload the cart!! Look at how much faster it is to unload!

28. If they maneuver the cart into a stupid position to unload the cart. I know this stuff doesn’t DIRECTLY affect me, but I feel bad that they’re too stupid to just move their cart so it’s not in their way to unload the shit. They always look so ridicules reaching so hard to just lift cans out of a cart. I repeat: Dumbasses.

29. While I’m ringing you up (especially on a big load) and you don’t bring down the shopping cart for the bagger to load up with.

30. When customers complain about chemicals (any NON-food items to be bagged separate), and there’s only ONE non-food item. Nearly EVERY chemical item is already wrapped up in some sort of plastic. (Once I had a douche yell at me for bagging a PLASTIC wrapped deodorant in with his cans. O_O ).

31. When YOUNG people want the groceries to be bagged light (not heavy). WTH? You’re young!! Why the hell are you being lazy now?

This one annoys me to no end >_< :
32. When customers unload slowly because they’re looking at magazines.

33. When customers take forever after their order is done deciding what candy they want. (It’s not a life or death decision!! I mean it’s REALLY not that hard to decide, ESPECIALLY if people are behind you in line WAITING on you)!

34. When customers can’t decide on paper or plastic. (just pick one, or let US pick one for you!)

35. When asked “paper or plastic” they say, “I don’t care… paper.” If you don’t care, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE ONE!?! I love it when I can decide the bag because I usually do a combo. Certain groceries fit better in plastic, others fit better in paper. DON’T SAY YOU DON’T CARE, then pick a bag.

36. Me: “Paper or plastic?” Customer: “Yes.”

37. When they say, “Can you bag the cold items together?” WTF? I’m a DAMN good bagger!! I do that AUTOMATICALLY! I don’t need them TELLING ME how to bag!

38. When they tell ME to clean my belt, before they put up their groceries. FUG OFF!!

39. When they won’t use my lane because of the chemicals I sprayed on the belt to clean it. O_o ALL the belts are cleaned this way. Not just mine, so going to another lane is pointless. Don’t be stupid.

40. When they want soda or milk or something really big to be bagged. All big things come with handles or some sort of gripping design so that they don’t have to be bagged.

41. When customers try to swipe their own copps card while my register is in terminal secure. NOTHING SCANS when it’s in secure. Just HAND me your card!

42. When they “help” bag. People are idiots on how to bag. They’ll go down to the end of my register and open up a paper. I actually watch them. They take the bread, put it on the bottom, then some cans, then they struggle to make cereal boxes fit on top of that. Mean while I’m lapping them. I’ve finished THREE “good” bags by the time they’re done with one. It just slows me down because then I have to wait for them to pay and that always takes forever because as I said before people are stupid. OR I’m the bagger and I finish a bag and put it in the cart. Then along comes the customer and helps me by taking cans and shoving them in the top of my bags!! I’ve had customers come back to me and complain about their bread getting crush when THEY were the ones who bagged shit on top of their bread.

43. As they sign the pinpad and say, “this looks nothing like my signature!” It never does. And I must say, it gets old. It gets REALLY old to hear every customer say that. DON’T SAY it.

44. When I ask for an ID for an alcohol purchase and they pretend to get all flattered because I implied that I think they’re too young.

45. When I ask for an ID for an alcohol purchase and they act like it’s the MOST inconvenient thing for me to ask of them. OR they say that “I’m obviously old enough.”

46. When I ask for an ID for an alcohol purchase and they don’t get out their IDs but just tell me their birthday. You disregarded what I asked of you. Show some respect assholes!

47. When they put items up on the belt in a way such that they items spill over the edges and either: 1. Fall to the ground and I get yelled at it, because we all know it’s MY fault that happened or 2. They push forward all the lined up dividers and turn the belt off by hitting the switch. The belt is BIG people just put the items SOMEWHERE within the vicinity of the belt!!

KIDS!!!!!!! >:|

48. GAHH!!!!! KIDS!!!!!! Or more rather: PARENTS!!!! WTH???? Parents, get you’re fugging act together!! SOOOOO many parents just let their kids run rampant through the store. So, for number 48, I’ll say: Kids that open products the parents didn’t want to buy, and STILL aren’t going to buy. I mean, come on, you REALLY expect me to believe, you “found” that chocolate bunny with the tinfoil half ripped off, when right there is a two year old pouting?

49. Kids that play with the dividers.

50. Kids that play/bang with/on the vending machines. You are WRECKING store property.

51. Kids that drool on my register.

52. Kids that sit inside the cart, they are obviously old enough to stand/walking next to mommy, but manage to be lazy at such a young age that there’s no room for the bags of groceries back in the cart.

53. Kids that hid something mommy put in the cart and now didn’t get rung up, so essentially a mini-clepto is in the making.

54. Kids that scream.

55. Kids that need a paper towel from my register to blow their nose with.

56. Kids that come from behind me and stand WAY too close to me in MY register designated space as a work.

I feel that parents should watch their kids A SHIT TON more closely. Some of the things kids get away with in grocery stores is enough to make an adult get kicked out of the store. (They are NOT innocent!). Be better parents!!!!

57. When a customer puts up on the belt two of the same huge item. Ex: two 24-packs of pepis. I can scan one twice! There’s no need to make me suffer and use my pathetically weak arms to push around and load of TWO of your damn soda products.

58. When a customer puts up a big item that has a really LARGE product code on the front, that I could’ve EASILY typed in. Fact: I have nearly 25 ten-digit product codes memorized for large items. These codes range from 24-packs of ALL beverages, to softener salt, to cat litter to whatever else assholes make me lift. DON’T PUT UP LARGE ITEMS!!! I DON’T WANNA LIFT THEM!

59. When a customer puts up a big item EVEN AFTER I TOLD THEM NOT TO!!!! I swear to god, they do it ALLLLLL the time. I will look at what seems to be a halfway intelligent customer, and tell her, “You don’t need to put up your water.” And she’ll look back at me and say, “Okay. Thanks.” Then I look away for just a second to bag and I’ll look back and BANG! there’s the water, up on the belt. Even worse: As I’m scanning it, she’ll say, “Oh, yeah. I’m sorry, I forgot what you told me.” -_-

60. When people with CLEARLY more than 15 items comes into the express lane. They try to make it seem less bad by saying shit like, “I think I might have a few over 15 items.” FUGGERS!!! Don’t you know WHY we have an express lane?? It’s not so we can cut you off from using a lane, it’s for all those time YOU’RE in a hurry. The more assholes who “push” the limits of 15 items, the less “express” the lane becomes. DON’T BE ASSHOLES PEOPLE!!!!

61. When people don’t even see my express sign. People will somehow sneak in when I’m not looking (cause otherwise I’d kick ‘em out of my line), and put up all their shit. These people piss me off the most. I mean, this essentially means, I have to bag a $250 dollar order all by myself, all because you’re an unobservant shitface. I can’t help it, but whenever this happens, I’m EXTREMELY rude to these customers. I don’t talk with a nice voice. I don’t smile. Sometimes, I won’t even ask for a Roundy’s card. I’m just too upset.

62. If someone comes into my express lane with a HUGE order and as I’m bagging it all alone, comments, “Jeese, how come you don’t have a bagger?” YOU FUCKER!!!!!! IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!!!!! GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! (I’m gonna murder a customer one of these days…)

63. When a customer types in their phone number and doesn’t type in their area code. WTH? Why wouldn’t you type that part in? Not to mention, the screen does divide up your numbers: 234-345-1_ _ _ don’t tell me you don’t look at shit when you type it in, I mean, god, it’s simple common sense.

64. When a customer verbally tells me their phone number and leaves out their phone number. Because of you I start EVERY phone number type in by typing 608, and then the poor people who are ACTUALLY telling me their area code have to retell me.

65. When I ask a customer to reslide their debit/credit card and they say, “I don’t want to be charged twice.” That only goes to show their COMPLETE ignorance!!!!!! How in the HELL would the machine charge you twice? Not to mention: The store would give you an instant refund it that EVER happened, (which it NEVER would). Some brilliant engineer designed these registers, have more faith in them dipshits.


All I have to say after my list of ___ things I hate in customers is this: CASHIERS are people too.

On a side note: I have a soft spot for old people. Old people can get away with anything in my lane, because I totally don’t mind them. I know you think I’m completely lying, but it’s true. I’m always nicer to them and more thoughtful. That’s just because I feel they need my help more than the average customer. I almost ALWAYS bag their groceries lighter than usual, I almost ALWAYS offer if they want a drive up for someone to bag their groceries. I’ll help them count their money. I’ll repeat the totally has many times as it takes cause they’re blind and can’t read it themselves. And through all this, I gotta say, old people are nicer than young. (It could just be a response to how I’m treating them…) They always thank me more sincerely, instead of the mandatory, “have a good day.” “thanks, you too.” response.

Moral: The only way to get me to be nice to when you check-out through my lane is either:

be a friend of mine

or be old.

OR (the hardest thing to do:) buy 1-2 small items, have exact or CLOSE to exact change in cash ready to pay with, have your keys next to the small items for a roundy’s card. When I ask “paper or plastic” say “no bag.” Smile, take your receipt, and your items and leave. (Then I’m pretty sure I won’t hate you…).


This is my job at Copps.

(I did not proof read this, that would take too long. So don't be a douche who picks on my grammar. When I type rant, I'm not always the most grammatically correct.)