Are you happy?

I was watching Jeopardy, and a commercial came on, so I switched to Oprah. After a few minutes, Oprah asked looked at her guest in the eyes and asked very serious-like, "Are you happy?"

The way she put it was in context of, "Are you happy in your life right now? ei: are you happier more often than your sad?"

I don't know, but that made me really sit and think, as if she was asking me, not her guest. I instantly thought about it and the simple answer, right now at least, is no. In the past that question would have received a yes. The last year and a half have been "happy." But at the moment in my life, I'm not.



I don't want to learn. My "willingness" to absorb information has completely dwindled to nothing.

My passions towards things have steadly decreased. I used to be into a lot of things. Like REALLY into them. I would go online and look further into topics, I would bore my mom by telling her all about the latest book series I was reading or about this cool Cirque du Soleil show I saw on TV. I rarely play the piano anymore. I use to play everday. (gosh, now I think think about it, isn't this a sign of depression? -_- )

I feel like I'm just walking through life, doing the motions. Doing what I'm suppose to be doing. I have nothing big to look forward to. No future vacations. No future travel plans at all. No exciting change. No new anything (like a new pet, or a new shiny new toy, not that at my age I should want one... ). I just wish I'd get super excited about something.

I remember at my first meeting last semester with my housefellow she asked us what we were looking forward to in the upcoming year. At the time, I made up some response that wasn't true. and even now I can't come up with anything. (okay FINE, I guess I'm looking forward to the Harry Potter movie).

It seems like even when I get a smidge excited about anything, it falls through: skiing with Tia. (that turned out great!). Tonight I was walking by a bulletin board at work and saw a poster for a free film at the Union for a Simon Peg movie. I got all excited because I like his movies, I even took a pamphlet. As I walked home I looked at the date on it. I can't go. I have an exam.

On the way home, I walked by two couples. Two? at 11p.m. at night?

It seems like everyone in my family expects me to have a boyfriend. Every time we meet they make little remarks, "So, do you have boyfriend yet?" "What are the boys at Madison like?" "Talk to any guys lately?" I just feel like they are judging me because I've never had a boyfriend. I can just see my aunt and uncle driving home from our family visit talking about me like a piece of gossip, "Yeah, so I'm not surprised to hear Jennifer still doesn't have a boyfriend yet. I mean, sure she's an engineer major, she has plenty of opportunities to talk to boys." "blah, blah, blah." I just wish my family wouldn't say anything.

Okay, I'll go to bed now. Bye.